My Soccer Stars

I am so proud of my beautiful babies. These are some of my favorite action shots as of late. Sean does take a great picture.

The Book of Job

I have always had a soft fascination with the Book of Job. I think of it at odd times. Tonight when I locked my kids out of my room to take a shower and stop cussing inside my head for a few minutes there was good ole Job, there to pester me.
I have always been incredibly uncomfortable talking about my faith. I come from a strong strain of adamant agnostics and always the misfit chose a different path...but here goes...

Sometimes when I pity myself and feel like no one in the world has had as difficult a life as mine in the history of all the eons I will read the whole Book of Job to bring myself down a notch. I find it very comforting to gain perspective because lets be honest, he was a great guy, his life blew, and he still maintained his faith and an inner peace I can only dream of. It helps me get over myself a bit and realize that I in fact have a lot of fight left in me.

Now, on other days, thinking days as I call them, this book puzzles me beyond measure. I am not one of those people that take the bible literally all the time, but still. Damn... If God is in fact our father than wasn't he kind of a dick? All of that misery for a bet with the devil? If I made a bet that was essentially "Hey! I bet you didn't think I could do this to my kid didja??!!?!" my kid would be taken away. In fact, you could say that while betting with the Devil (which I have been intimately acquainted with at times) you should probably leave your kids out of it all together. I mean, if I am not comfortable betting with their college money in Vegas it is safe to assume that betting on their will and faith in me is a pretty shite idea all around.

I guess in the end I think that maybe the Book of Job was just a huge allegory. Even taking it at that it seems a bit prickish.

Alzheimer's Sucks Balls

That is it.

Ridiculous Life

I don't feel like I live a ridiculous life. I DO feel like much of my time is spent on ridiculous things and ridiculous conversations. I am sure a lot of this has to do with me being in sales and having school age children.

When I have a conversation I look at the people I am talking to and try to see if they share this feeling of ridiculousness. 99% of the time I can tell they in fact do not think things are ridiculous.

I think I know why. I think that people that have violence in their past - especially multiple instances of violence with multiple people or situations - ultimately come two a fork in the road. They have the choice to either be an eternal victim or eventually learn to say "damn that sucked" and adapt.

I am very adaptive...pliable you could say. I think to be this way I have had to forgo the art of bullshit. I have noticed that as time goes on I have almost a hostility to people that use too many adjectives. They often seem to be a way to delay or avoid a point. For instance I wouldn't walk to smell the lavender fields and feel the soft spring breeze against my face. I would walk to get to the damn store. (I still like "damn" alot.)

It makes me sad at times that I've lost some of these traits. But most days I am ok with it.