First Sonnet in Forever

Grayer shadows call beckoning me home

Meloncholia's arms reaching with need

I fear a fall back into my dark tomb

pleading from this prison that I will be freed

Trapped in a maze of my own creation

cracks in the walls I've nothing to fix it

caught in between important distractions

confused and desperate for an exit

one by one the walls grow higher, thicker

through the fog I hear him calling my name

I'm not for saving, I just fall quicker

as the shadows take hold my hope will wain.

Outside I can hear him calling for me

but locked from inside I'll never be free

The Trip

I have just about finished the planning for the spring break trip. 3 girls on the road for thousands and thousands of miles...literally.

I need to cook some more for the hubby before I go.

The hotels are 80% booked.

I am taking the girls to Graceland, Atlanta (the zoo, aquarium, CNN, et all), to see the MLK landmarks in Birmingham, and to see the civil war cemetery in Vicksburg.

It is going to be a big big trip.

I called her a meanie and felt good about it

The girls got into a fight today. I decided to try something new. I made each of them write down what the other one did to them and then what they did to the other one. I told them that everybody has conflict but that certain things elevate conflict and certain things cool things down. Then I had them choose eachothers punishment. Then I gave them the punishment that they came up with to themselves instead of their sister.

HA! Mama is tricky!

The best line of it all was the little one, when describing what she did to the older one:

"I called her a meanie AND FELT GOOD ABOUT IT"

Sweet.

2008 - or what I have done

This past year was incredibly difficult for me. The further decline of my father caused some identity issues. I thought that I was grown up but I had a lot further to go than I thought. Instead of looking back at the negatives, I figure instead I will concentrate on the ways in which I have grown and the new things I did that proved life altering:

1)I helped save a man's life. This proved to be one of the most meaningful things of 2008 for me. My girls saw me in a new way. They saw that their mother has strength that they hadn't seen before. I saw that I had strength that I had forgotten about.

2)I represented myself succesfully in court. This has insurmountable pride for me. It not only showed me that I am competant, it showed me something more important. I no longer fear my ex. He can't scare me anymore. Right does prevail. Justice prevails. And I am capable of keeping my children safe.

3)I have grown at work. I have brought in significant business. I have built an identity for myself. I was mentioned in the leadership meeting with the founder and president of the company. That is significant.

4)My children continue to grow and do well. They are so beautiful. They are so SMART. They crack me up. They are my life.

5)I love my husband. It has been almost 2 and a half years now that we have been married. Compared to how broken I was for many years, this is a huge accomplishment.

6)I am a good daughter. Life has changed and now my parents are more dependant on me than I am of them and I am handling this just fine. It feels good to take care of them when I can.

All in all, it takes pain to grow. There has been a lot of pain this year. I feel confident that I am adapting.

Wintertime Exhaustion

This is the 3rd week in a row that I have had something just about every night for the girls, their school, work, etc. I have cooked 3 dozen cookies, 4 casseroles, 48 cupcakes, 40 sausage biscuits in the last 5 weeknights that were not to feed my family. My territory is still pulling in a steady 60-100K a day (not complaining about that) which is keeping me incredibly busy during the day. Evidently my part of the Midwestern Territory didn't hear about the economic issues. Some genius mom scheduled a birthday party on a Thursday night.

I need a break.

The Ranch

Here are a couple of pictures from the dude ranch....

"Then my mom TOOK HER TOP OFF!"

The day after Thanksgiving I took the girls to a Dude Ranch out in Bandera for a girl’s getaway. We had so much fun 99.9% of the time. .1% of the time was horrifying!

We were on one of the more advanced trail rides up the side of a mountain. There were 13 people on the ride and 2 wranglers. Coming down the face of the mountain the wrangler in front’s horse bucked. He flew upside down into the air and landed on his back, unconscious, his head hitting a rock. Blood started flowing full on.

Little Ivy was 1^st in line behind the wrangler and her horse started going a bit nutty. She managed to pull him out of the line and settle him down. I am so proud of her and her instinct. The wrangler in the back of the line near me shot off down the mountain to get help. I broke line and ran up and dismounted. At this point the guy was moaning and regaining consciousness but had no idea what had happened. I took my top off and wrapped his head and had to pin him down with this other lady because we had no idea what he might have done to his back etc.

This guy finally came up (not in time to offer his shirt mind you) and helped pin the guy until they got a truck up and got him off the mountain. The girls were really shaken and upset but handled themselves great in the crisis. I have to say that the 5 kids on the ride handled it better than most of the adults. They were crying but followed direction well and kept their horses under control.

It ends up the guy broke 4 ribs, dislocated his shoulder, and got a massive concussion. (not to mention a load of stitches in his head).

When we got back into cell reception the next day Zoe called all of her friends and it sure was nice to be the hero for a change!